Another Me Read online

  ‘Everything’s fine.’ I knew Mum phoned her – kept her informed about how I was doing at home. I’d been annoyed about that. Didn’t like teachers knowing our business, especially an amateur psychiatrist like Mrs Williams.

  She touched my arm reassuringly. As if I needed reassurance from her. ‘Yes, dear. I knew it would all sort itself out when things at home were more settled.’

  I wanted to yell at her. I hadn’t imagined anything, or made anything up. There really had been another one of me. But I knew she would never listen. In her mind, her solution had worked.

  And maybe it had. Things were getting better all round for me. And that other, my fetch, my doppelganger, it seemed, had disappeared.

  Then, it happened.

  One day after school I walked straight into town by myself. I was looking for Christmas presents for Kaylie and Dawn. Dreaming of maybe getting one from Drew Fraser.

  It was as I was coming out of the Forum where the small market stalls were that I saw them.

  Mum, and him.

  The man she’d been seeing before. I’d only ever caught a glimpse of him once, in a car with her, but I’d never forget his face. How could she prefer him to Dad? He wasn’t half as good looking. I stepped into a doorway to watch them. They were standing on the pavement as if they’d just met accidentally. Old friends sharing a moment together. They looked innocent. No one watching them would imagine there was anything guilty about that meeting. Except me.

  To me, they looked uncomfortable, as if they didn’t know what to say to each other. As if they didn’t know how to make small talk.

  They were smiling at each other, but neither of them looked happy. As I watched, I felt as if my heart had stopped beating. As if I was caught in time.

  Then, they said goodbye. Mum turned away, and I saw her face. The smile disappeared. She blinked, bit her lip, trying hard not to cry. Even I could see that. I watched her as she ran towards the taxi rank, wanting to be away from him quickly so he wouldn’t witness her tears.

  I watched him too. He ran on across the street. Then he turned and his eyes searched her out, found her and never left her till the taxi she was in moved out of sight. There was pain in his face. And love.

  He loved her.

  He loved my mum.

  And she still loved him. I was sure of it. She still loved him. Though she’d given him up and stayed with me and Dad, and promised never to leave. She still loved him.

  She’d given him up for me. Forever. Because some daft teacher had made her believe that I was having delusions because of her affair, because I couldn’t face her leaving.

  That was rubbish.

  I forgot the presents. I slowly walked the long road home, as the darkness closed around me, and the icy mist descended on the town. I couldn’t bear the thought of my mum being unhappy. Yet I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her.

  Christmas presents were forgotten. Everything else was forgotten.

  What was going to happen now?

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  She was home by the time I got back. Standing in the kitchen, preparing chicken for tea. She turned to face me as I walked in, and smiled. ‘Good day at school?’

  I searched her face for any signs of guilt, or sadness. But there was nothing. She chatted away while she made the tea, and when Dad came in with the holiday brochures they both pored over them.

  Had I been mistaken? Maybe she didn’t care about him at all. Or was she just putting on a brave face?

  ‘I’d rather you didn’t use that odd lift, Fay,’ Dad said as we sat at the table. ‘There was somebody else stuck in it today. For two hours.’ He looked at Mum. ‘What’s been happening with that petition you got up?’

  ‘If we don’t hear anything by next week,’ Mum said, ‘we’re sending a committee to the Council offices. We have to do something. It’s a death trap that thing.’

  And so, they chatted on, about the holiday, and Christmas and the odd lift. And not a sign of the pain I had seen earlier that day on my mum’s face.

  I wished I could understand. Maybe when you were older things fell into place. But for now, I was just confused.

  It was all I could think about all night, and in my dreams Mum and Dad and this other man were all stuck in the lift, not talking to each other. I was there, too, but they couldn’t see me. I was trapped behind the mirrored steel. And that was the most frightening thing of all.

  Mum and Dad had both left for work by the time I was ready for school. Mrs Brennan was already waiting at the lift. Pension day.

  ‘Hello, darlin’,’ she said, beaming at me. ‘You look that bonny with your hair like that, do you know?’

  I hardly listened, my mind was still a jumble of confused thoughts. The lift came and the doors slid open. ‘It’s actually working today,’ Mrs Brennan said. ‘It’s a miracle.’

  I took one step into the lift and drew back. ‘Could you send it back up for me, please, Mrs Brennan? I’ve forgotten something.’

  ‘I’ll hold it for you if you like. I’m not in a hurry. That wee Gupta’s always sleeping in. The post office won’t be opened yet.’

  I shook my head. ‘No, Mrs Brennan. Thanks all the same.’

  I didn’t want her to wait for me, because I had come to a decision. I wasn’t going to school today. I couldn’t face talking to people, and listening and trying to learn. When all I wanted to do was to be alone, and think.

  All I needed, I thought, was one day completely to myself to think things through.

  There was a thrill in being in the flat by myself. Being able to watch television if I wanted, to have the place filled with noise, or silence. My choice.

  I made some coffee and settled myself in the chair by the window. The mist hung low over the hills and seeped through around the town. Would Drew miss me, I wondered? Then I remembered that Drew wasn’t going to school today either. He had a five-a-side tournament to attend.

  Would Kaylie and Dawn think I’d gone with him? That we’d stayed off school together? How cool would that be?

  I had caused Mum and Dad so much worry over the past few weeks. I didn’t want them to worry about me again. I loved them both so much.

  But, if they ever split up, I’d love them both the same. I’d handle it. Other people did.

  The phone rang, but I ignored it. Kaylie or Dawn probably wanting to know where I was. Let them wonder. I’d tell them tomorrow.

  It was a good decision staying off school that day. It was exactly what I needed to prepare myself for whatever might happen in the future. I felt happy that day. Together or separate, I wanted Mum and Dad both to be happy too.

  By the time they came in from work, I was poring over homework. ‘Good day?’ Mum asked, hanging her coat in the hall cupboard.

  ‘Brilliant!’ I answered. And I hadn’t lied. It had been a good day. Lots of decisions reached and a whole new future ahead.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Next morning, Mum and I met Mrs Brennan at the lift. ‘Did you get it OK yesterday, dear? I sent it back up for you.’

  Was I glad I’d seen Mrs Brennan yesterday? Proof to Mum if she’d been suspicious that I had gone to school like a good little girl.

  ‘Yes, Mrs Brennan. Got it fine.’

  ‘We’re taking our lives in our hands using it,’ Mrs Brennan said cheerily. As if plunging to our deaths down the lift shaft had a funny side.

  Mum laughed too. ‘Yes, don’t tell your dad. He’s warned us to use the stairs, at least to the next floor so we can catch the even lift.’

  When Mum kissed me goodbye she looked at me thoughtfully. ‘There’s something different about you today. What is it?’

  I knew exactly what it was. I felt different. But I only smiled at her and began to hurry towards the steps. ‘It’s Christmas!’ I shouted excitedly, throwing my bag in the air.

  Drew Fraser was dawdling ahead of me. I was so full of confidence I called out to him to wait. We quickly checked our code lines, then I asked, �
��How did your five-a-sides go?’

  He grinned. ‘Foregone conclusion.’ He poked at his chest. ‘This boy’s brilliant.’

  ‘And so modest.’ I laughed.

  ‘We’ve got the final rehearsal for Macbeth tomorrow,’ he said.

  I groaned. ‘Don’t remind me. I’m going to be rubbish.’

  He only shrugged. ‘Who cares? It’ll be a laugh.’

  He began picking the weeds off the wall and he muttered something.

  ‘Sorry?’ I asked. ‘I didn’t hear that.’

  He glanced at me shyly. His ears went red and he licked his lips. ‘I said . . . want to go with me to the Christmas disco at school?’

  If I’d been happy before I was ecstatic now. Drew Fraser, asking me to go with him to the Christmas disco!

  I held out my hand to him, grinning. ‘All the perfumes of Arabia . . .’ I began, ‘wouldn’t stop me.’

  He looked as pleased as I felt. ‘Brilliant.’

  His friends called to him from the top of the stairs but I couldn’t make them out in the mist. ‘Better go,’ he said. ‘Don’t want to bump into your giggling pals.’

  But Kaylie and Dawn weren’t waiting for me at the top of the stairs this morning. I didn’t see them till I hurried into the playground just as the bell was ringing. We filed into the class together. I was dying to tell them about Drew, but I wanted to pick exactly the right moment. Preferably when Monica was within earshot.

  It was Mr Hardie’s class first and as we took our seats I remembered with dismay that he had timetabled a test for us yesterday. And I had missed it. I prayed he wouldn’t ask me to stay behind today to do it.

  I leaned across to ask Kaylie how hard it had been but I didn’t get the chance. Mr Hardie slammed a jotter down on his desk to shut us all up.

  ‘Well,’ he began. ‘I have to say you all surprised me yesterday.’

  Everyone looked bewildered.

  ‘I certainly knew that some of you were thick.’ Suddenly his voice roared. ‘I just didn’t realise the whole blinking lot of you were.’

  Everyone glanced about sheepishly. Mr Hardie started striding about looking from one of us to the other. His eye finally fell on me and his eyebrow rose.

  ‘Except, to my amazement . . . young Fay here.’

  I looked around at everyone and smiled. He would soon find out I was thick, too, when I actually did the test. He stepped towards me and slapped a jotter on the desk in front of me. ‘You got top marks. Hardly a question wrong. How did you manage it?’

  My mouth went dry. He was winding me up. ‘Pardon, sir?’

  He nodded. ‘Surprised you as well, didn’t it?’ He opened the jotter and pointed. ‘There you go. Top marks. Congratulations.’

  I went ice cold at what I saw. My name.

  My handwriting.

  And the date.

  Yesterday.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  ‘Is something wrong, Fay?’ Mr Hardie bent down to me. I must have gone so pale, like a ghost. I could feel sweat form on my top lip. I was shaking my head. I pushed the jotter away from me as if it was contaminated.

  ‘This isn’t mine, sir,’ I said. My voice sounded strange – disembodied, as if it didn’t belong to me.

  Mr Hardie found that funny. ‘Exactly what I thought, Fay. Even when you were sitting there doing the test, I kept watching you and thinking, I’ve never seen our Fay looking so intent during a science test. But, there you are, you proved me wrong.’

  Unsteadily, I got to my feet. I had to make him understand. ‘No, sir. I don’t know who did that test, but it wasn’t me. I wasn’t at school yesterday.’

  I heard both Kaylie and Dawn gasp. I looked across at them. ‘I wasn’t. Honest.’

  Kaylie’s eyes went wide. ‘You liar, Fay. We had a great day yesterday. A terrific laugh. Don’t you remember?’

  ‘It wasn’t me!’

  Why wouldn’t they believe me? But they didn’t. I could see it in their faces. Those looks were plainly saying, ‘Here she goes again.’

  They had to believe me. I was so frightened by now I was shivering. ‘It was that other one. Don’t you see? I stayed at home. I was there all day.’

  Mr Hardie turned away in annoyance. ‘This is nonsense!’

  I stepped after him, pulled at his sleeve to make him face me. ‘Somebody was here, pretending to be me!’

  His face looked like thunder now. ‘You’re trying to tell me that the girl who walked in that door yesterday, and smiled at me, who sat at that desk and produced a neat, efficient piece of work, wasn’t you?’

  I was nodding wildly.

  The teacher was sure he was being made a fool of. He exploded. ‘Well, let me tell you, I hope she pretends to be you more often, because she’s smarter, brighter and far more rational than you are today.’

  He took my breath away. He preferred the other one. The one who was stealing my life. I looked around the class. At my friends, at Monica, at Drew. Did they all feel like that?

  Monica certainly did. ‘Well said, sir!’ she shouted. He told her to keep quiet but she still looked smug. Kaylie and Dawn surely must have seen a difference? But already I could see the annoyance in Dawn’s face. ‘I thought you were back to your old self yesterday,’ she said.

  That’s when I hit the roof. ‘Back to my old self! This is my old self. That other one isn’t me!’

  I grabbed at her blazer. I didn’t want to hurt her. I’d never hurt Dawn. I just wanted to make her believe me.

  But after the incident with Monica, no one was taking any chances. Suddenly, two of the other girls were holding me back. ‘I wasn’t at school yesterday. I stayed at home!’ I yelled.

  Mr Hardie drew in his breath. ‘Get her to Mrs Williams.’

  I struggled wildly. Mrs Williams, my least favourite teacher. ‘She won’t listen to me,’ I shouted. ‘I’ll prove I wasn’t at school!’ I shouted as I was bundled out of the classroom. But even as I said it I knew I couldn’t. Mum and Dad had both been at work all day and when they’d come in, hadn’t I told them what a great day I’d had? Implying that great day had been at school. The only one who had seen me yesterday had been Mrs Brennan, as I had waited at the lift in my school uniform. And she had sent the lift back up for me. I had confirmed that today, to Mum.

  No one could prove I hadn’t come to school.

  Not even Drew.

  He hadn’t been at school either. If only he had he would have used the code and he at least would have known the truth.

  Mrs Williams was all concern. She really did feel, she told me, inclining her head to one side like a demented bird, that I needed professional help.

  ‘You think I’m crazy!’ I yelled at her.

  ‘Not at all, Fay. You just need help to get over this trauma.’

  She wanted to phone my mother at work, but I wouldn’t let her. What could she say? I calmed down as I sipped tea and she suggested I might like to go home.

  I almost did – but an awful thought struck me. What if the other one came in as I left and took my place again?

  I couldn’t bear it.

  Because that was the scariest thing. For the first time, this other one had spoken, she had been with my friends, taken my place. And no one had noticed the difference.

  And if I were to come face to face with her . . . would that be the end of me?

  Mrs Williams left me in her office to rest. I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. I rocked myself back and forth, but I didn’t sleep. Once I heard the door open quietly and sensed someone watching me. I was too terrified to look, because what if it wasn’t Mrs Williams?

  What if it was the other one, looking in at the door, watching me and smiling? Waiting for her chance to take over . . . for good.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  In the end I had to go home. I couldn’t stop shaking and I could see that Mrs Williams was full of genuine concern about me. Maybe she wasn’t such a bad old bird after all.

  ‘You promise you’ll
tell your mother about this,’ she insisted.

  I assured her I would, over and over again. I didn’t want any of her phone calls to my mother asking awkward questions. Asking if anything had changed in the family to make me behave like this again.

  Because that bothered me too. Something had changed, hadn’t it? I’d seen my mum with that man and suddenly, the other one had come back.

  Was that the reason?

  No! I couldn’t, wouldn’t believe that. Yet, what was the alternative? A horror I just couldn’t face.

  A portent of my own death.

  I was going to die.

  She was so close now, this other one, almost in my shoes. Maybe that meant my death was close too.

  Near lunchtime, Mrs Williams asked Kaylie and Dawn to take me home. I was glad of the chance to talk to them. Perhaps I could convince them of the truth.

  Some hope.

  ‘Who are you trying to kid, Fay?’ I could see Dawn was still annoyed with me. ‘We were with you the whole day. We met you at the top of the stairs. We had our lunch together in the canteen.’

  Kaylie, concerned as she was, was equally adamant I was lying. ‘You had burger and chips. Remember?’

  ‘Of course I don’t remember. It wasn’t me.’

  But how could I expect them to believe such an incredible notion?

  Dawn was still looking for rational explanations. ‘Maybe that’s it. You don’t remember. You’ve got amnesia. Or a split personality.’

  I stopped on the misty stairs and stamped my feet. ‘Don’t you understand, I can remember everything about yesterday. I was at home all day. Right?’

  Dawn shrugged her shoulders. ‘You’ve got nobody to prove that, have you?’

  And she was right. There was nobody.

  ‘You’re my best friends,’ I said as we reached my flats. ‘I thought I could rely on you to believe me. Even Mr Hardie noticed I was different yesterday.’

  Kaylie let out a long-suffering sigh. ‘Yes. We are your best friends. So why are you trying to make fools of us?’