Grass Read online

  ‘Once,’ I said, and in that moment it came to me what I could tell them. A believable reason. ‘The day I bumped into him I was getting chased by the Bissett Boys. He got them off my back. I wanted to thank him.’

  ‘Why would he do that for you? He’s not exactly Santa Claus.’

  I had given him a good reason and he still didn’t believe me. I couldn’t argue any more. So I got angry too. ‘What does it matter? He helped me. The Bissett Boys don’t bother me any more.’

  ‘Why would he do that for you, Leo?’ My dad’s anger was gone – what took its place was something much more scary. ‘Why would he do that for you?’ he asked me again, his voice cold.

  Thinking fast was becoming easier. ‘He knows how bad the Bissett Boys are. And since then they’ve never chased me again. I went to his house to say thanks. That’s all.’

  ‘And that makes him a good guy?’ He shook his head. ‘How could you be so stupid, Leo?’ He stepped forward so quickly, I thought he was going to hit me. My dad, who had never lifted a hand to me. I should have known better. ‘Well, I’m telling you now, Leo – you will never see him again, talk to him again, have anything to do with him again. Do you hear me?

  My mum laid a hand on his arm, as if she was holding him back, but her eyes were on me. Angry eyes. She seemed to draw him from the room.

  My stomach had curled into a steel ball. I listened hard, trying to hear what they were saying but I couldn’t make out their words. I could only sense the anger, disappointment, hurt. Then – I don’t know how much later – the front door slammed and Dad’s car revved up. I heard him roaring off into the night. No prizes for guessing where he was going. To Armour’s house. To warn him off. To tell him to keep his hands off his son.

  I had to get to Armour first. Let him know my dad was on his way. Tell him not to hurt my dad.

  I went into the bathroom and locked the door – didn’t want my mum walking in on me – and I called Armour.

  He answered almost at once. Must have seen my number and wondered why I was calling him so late. ‘Leo,’ he said. ‘Something’s wrong.’

  I tried to speak calmly. Not let the words come out in a nervous tumble. ‘Somebody called my dad. Told him I was running for you.’

  ‘Who called him?’

  ‘I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. But he’s raging. Made me swear not to see you again. He’s on his way to your place. Please, don’t do anything to him.’

  ‘Leo! Me. Do something to your dad? How could I do anything to him? Anyway, I’m finished with all that, I told you. I’ll talk to him.’

  ‘I told him you got the Bissett Boys off my back. That I only went to your house the once to thank you.’

  ‘I’ll back you up, Leo.’ His voice was reassuring. ‘You told him nothing about Nelis – about our little deal?’

  ‘You know I wouldn’t do that,’ I said.

  ‘I know. And don’t worry about your dad. I’ll handle him.’

  I don’t know what was said that night. Dad came back two hours later and went straight to bed. In the morning he came into my room before he set off for work. He looked as if he hadn’t slept all night. ‘I’ve told Armour to keep well away from you. And you keep well away from him. I’m not going to tell you again, Leo.’

  ‘OK,’ I said.

  Dad sat on the bed beside me. ‘I still can’t get over you going to this man’s house, Leo.’

  I tried to say something, but he held up his hand to stop me. ‘No, Leo. People like Armour are devious. They never do anything without an ulterior motive. It worries me what his might be.’

  ‘He’s not got an ulterior motive, Dad –’

  But he wouldn’t listen.

  ‘People like him are like vampires. They like to bleed people dry – bleed boys like you dry. And once they’ve got their teeth into you, son . . . they never let go.’

  ‘I’m not daft, Dad.’

  He looked at me in a way I’d never seen him look at me before, as if he was trying to fathom if he could really believe that. ‘I hope not, Leo. I’ve always been able to trust you. Don’t let me down.’

  He stood up.

  ‘But this has done one thing. It’s made me more determined than ever to get rid of people like him from this town. Because if my son can even begin to think Armour’s decent, how easily can any other boy be fooled by him? I’m not going to stop till I get rid of them all.’

  I wasn’t being fooled by Armour. I so wanted to tell Dad everything then – what Armour had done for us and how little he had asked in return. But I knew he wouldn’t listen. He wouldn’t believe that Armour wanted the same thing he did. He wanted the town clean and safe. But it wasn’t the time.

  He’d know soon enough, I promised myself. Then my dad would understand.

  g

  35

  Over the next couple of days Dad redoubled his efforts with the petition. He was at the police station regularly, checking what else could be done.

  I was convinced he’d told the police about the call and me being involved with Armour. Every time I passed a policeman in the street I felt he would look at me as if he knew I was Armour’s boy. And that made me angry too. As if I’d done something wrong. When all I’d done right from the beginning was try to protect my family, my best friend.

  No. Wipe that. I had no best friend now. Sean seemed like a distant memory. The whispered giggles in the school were all about Sean and Veronika. Always together.

  As for my family, the only one who seemed to appreciate me – the only one I could still talk to – was David, and he was only five.

  ‘Why’s my dad mad at you?’ he kept asking. ‘You been bad?’

  ‘No, I have not!’ I would always reply. ‘I’ve been really good. It’s not fair.’

  Then he’d sit close beside me and whisper, ‘I know you’ve been good. You’re the best big brother in the world.’

  But as for my mum and dad, the atmosphere with them was icy. Mum dropped me off at school and picked me up, hardly saying a word to me. She had to juggle her hours at the hospital to keep her eye on me, she said. And it was a good thing she was on flexitime. They were both making sure I didn’t see Armour again.

  They couldn’t stop the calls, though. Didn’t know about them.

  Armour called me every day. Now that my mum took me to school he would usually call me during my lunch break. I asked him what had happened when my dad came to the house, but all he would say was that he’d backed me up.

  ‘The boy only wanted to thank me. Those Bissett Boys are a bad lot. They needed warning off,’ he’d said to my dad, but to me he’d added, ‘I don’t know why your dad didn’t stop them himself, Leo.’

  Those words had stayed with me all that day. Why hadn’t my dad done anything to stop the Bissett Boys? He knew what they were like and what they were doing and he’d done nothing to help me. It had taken Armour to get them off my back. Now it was the Bissett Boys who were afraid of me.

  Dad started his new job. Mum said I’d taken the joy out of it for him. Trying to make me feel guilty. He was so worried about me, she said. I wanted to scream at her, It’s thanks to me he’s got the job. Me – and Armour!

  If only Armour would prove to my dad he’d turned into one of the good guys. It would come soon. The deal with Nelis would show that. I only had to wait a few days and then it would all come right.

  Nelis. Out of the picture. Moved away from this town maybe.

  Then there was the gun amnesty. If people handed in their guns there would be no comeback to them. No charges. That was another moment when I almost told Armour about the guns I’d found. If Armour was the one who told the police about them – handed them in himself – he’d prove he’d turned over a new leaf.

  I could almost see the headlines.

 
* * *

  ARMOUR HANDS IN NELIS ARSENAL

  But that would be grassing and I had a feeling he wouldn’t do that. Better this way. It would all be done without any fighting.

  My dad and Armour were on the same side. I pictured them getting to know each other. Saw them standing face to face, shaking hands. Not becoming friends, never that. But maybe coming to realise that they each wanted the same thing . . . what was best for the town. Then my dad would know that I had done the right thing.

  ‘Is it all still on for Sunday?’ I asked him one day. ‘Once it’s done, my dad will get off my back.’

  ‘Sunday. 3 a.m.,’ he told me. ‘Thanks to you. You’ll never know how much you’ve helped me, Leo.’

  ‘I wish you could tell my dad that. I want him to understand what you’re trying to do.’

  I could hear him laughing. ‘I wish you could tell him to keep things down a bit till this deal’s done. His petition – all this publicity he’s getting. It’s making Nelis really nervous. I don’t want it to fall through because of your dad.’

  Now I was the one who was nervous. ‘You think it might because of my dad?’

  ‘I hope not, Leo. If he could back down a bit, it would be great. But it’s all going to work out. You’ll see.’ He paused. ‘And your dad will be the first one to know about it. I promise.’

  After that, I found I was getting annoyed at my dad. Annoyed every time he mentioned the petition, the amnesty, his visits to the police. I wanted to shut him up, till this deal was done. Till Nelis had his money and was gone. Dad didn’t understand anything. He hadn’t helped me against the Bissett Boys. His petition would do no good. The amnesty would do no good. Get a few guns off the street, that was all.

  Only Armour could do things right.

  Only Armour could get things done.

  g

  36

  It was all coming to a head. I could feel it. Dad was angry at me. I was angry at Dad. The atmosphere in the house was awful. I didn’t want him to talk to me about Armour, and I knew he was bursting to talk to me about him.

  It would only take one little thing for the tension to break to the surface. And the little thing was Sean.

  Friday teatime, and Dad came in after his first week in his new job with a present for Mum. A pair of earrings.

  ‘Anything for me, Dad?’ David wanted a present too. As if Dad would ever forget him. He’d bought him a new game for his Nintendo. I didn’t ask for a present but he hadn’t left me out. ‘Here.’ He threw a book at me. ‘Heard you saying you wanted to read that.’

  I began to say a stumbling ‘thank you’, but he had something else on his mind. ‘I met Sean in the town,’ he said. ‘You remember you used to be friendly with him?’

  I flicked through the book, biting at the inside of my mouth. Said nothing.

  ‘I asked him if he knew about you and Armour.’

  I snapped the book shut. He’d never let it go.

  ‘He didn’t know anything, he said. Till he heard about it at school. Seems it was all over the school. Seems it was only your daft old dad that didn’t know.’

  He was waiting for me to say something but still I kept my mouth shut.

  ‘And it seems it wasn’t just that one wee visit you made to his house to thank him.’ His voice grew angry. ‘What a liar you are, boy.’

  My mum stepped between us then. ‘Dave, calm down.’

  He motioned her aside. ‘No, I have to know this. How often have you seen him? What have you been doing for him?’

  Finally I spoke, my voice as angry as his. ‘Did Sean tell you all this?’

  ‘Sean? Your pal, Sean? The one you ditched for Armour? No. Sean wouldn’t say a word against you. It was his mate Aidan who told me.’

  ‘Typical Aidan,’ I snapped. ‘Doesn’t know how to keep his trap shut.’

  ‘You better tell me everything, Leo. Right now. I want to hear the truth.’

  My mum slipped her arm around David’s shoulders. ‘Come on, you come and help me with the tea, David.’

  I stood up. I felt I didn’t belong in this family any more. I was an outsider.

  ‘I’m waiting, Leo.’

  ‘You think Armour’s so bad. Well, he’s never done anything bad to me. Only good things.’

  Dad gripped me by the shoulders. ‘And what exactly are you doing for Armour?’

  I knew what he was thinking. That I was carrying drugs for him. How I wished then that I could tell him the truth. That what I was doing for him was a good thing.

  ‘He’s never asked me to do anything bad for him. He’s not the bad guy you think he is.’

  ‘He’s a villain! Leo, when did you stop believing that?’

  He grabbed me by the shoulders, gripping so hard it hurt. I shook myself away from him. ‘If only you knew . . . if only you knew . . .’

  ‘If only I knew what?’

  I didn’t want to tell him. Why was he making me tell him? ‘You should be grateful to Armour.’ I started shouting. ‘He’s done plenty for you!’

  Dad stepped back then. Shock on his face. ‘He’s done plenty for me? What’s Armour ever done for me?’

  I didn’t answer him. I wanted him to let it go. But he wouldn’t.

  ‘Tell me! Why would Armour do anything for me?’

  ‘To thank me. To help me. He likes me. I think he’s the only one who does.’

  ‘You better tell me what this is all about, Leo. And don’t lie. I want to know the truth.’

  He wanted the truth? Well, he was going to get it.

  I knew what I was about to say was going to hurt him – more painfully than a knife in his back. And I didn’t care. ‘You think Armour’s so bad? Well, you wouldn’t have a job if it wasn’t for him. He got you them both. He talked to the right people, made a few phone calls, and you got your job the next day.’

  He let me go. Those words were like a slap in the face. My mum must have been listening to everything. She pushed the door open and came running in.

  ‘I don’t believe that,’ she shouted at me. ‘Armour’s not the type to do anybody any favours.’

  ‘Well, he did it,’ I yelled back. ‘And you should be grateful to him.’

  I was out of the house and running before they could stop me. I was going to Armour’s house. It seemed like a haven now. I would go to him and tell him about Nelis’s stash of guns, let him take the glory for getting rid of guns in the town. Not my dad. And once he did, my mum and my dad would really know the truth. Armour wasn’t so bad.

  I was Armour’s boy . . . and I was proud of it.

  g

  37

  I thought they might have run out after me. But no one came. The front door stayed shut. That’s how much they cared, I thought.

  I backed towards the end of the street, still expecting my dad to come flying after me any moment. What I’d said must have hurt him. But who could blame me? He should have just let it go, not go on and on about Armour the way he had.

  No one came after me. I stood for a moment watching the house, wondering what was happening inside. Half of me hoping Mum or Dad would appear at the front door, urge me back. But no one came. I turned at last, not looking where I was going. Didn’t see the figure who leaped out in front of me from the bushes.

  The face terrified me. It was out of shape, discoloured. The eyes had almost disappeared inside dark blue bulges. The cheeks were swollen, the face bruised and blackened and bloody. Did I know him? Would I recognise him if I did? I didn’t think so. He didn’t even look human.

  The man grabbed me by the shoulders, almost spat at me. ‘Not too pretty, eh?’ He could hardly speak clearly. I could see some of his teeth were missing too. ‘This is thanks to you, wee man.’

  I squirmed to get away
from him. ‘Me?’

  ‘You told him I was the one who phoned your dad, didn’t ye?’

  What was he talking about?

  ‘Armour.’ He pointed to his face as if it wasn’t part of him any more, but a specimen in a jar. ‘This! His boys came for me ’cause I told your dad about you.’

  I was shaking my head, desperate to be free of him, not wanting to believe what he was saying. ‘How could I know it was you?’

  Was he crying? Or were his swollen eyes just watering? I could hardly see his eyes.

  ‘No. Maybe not. You cannae hide from Armour. Armour knows everything.’ He glanced around as if someone might be watching him from the trees, from the bushes. It was then I realised just how alone we were, here on the deserted street. The man dragged me closer. Too close. I could see the spittle round his lips. I was afraid of what he was going to do. He wanted to hurt me. I knew he wanted to hurt me.

  ‘Wish I had the nerve,’ he said, as if he’d been reading my mind. ‘The nerve to batter you the way he got me battered.’ His voice broke. ‘But I’m no’ evil like Armour.’

  He almost threw me away from him. ‘I’m getting out of this toon. Might be safe somewhere else. Got to get away from Armour.’

  I couldn’t answer him. Because all this didn’t seem real. As if it was happening to someone else.

  He began to stumble back down the street. I wanted to shout after him, that he was wrong. He was making a mistake. Armour wouldn’t do that to him. Armour had changed. He was finished with violence. He was trying to make peace. To become respectable. It couldn’t have been Armour.

  Because if it was . . . that meant he had lied to me . . . and, why would he lie to me?

  I had to see him. I had to find out. The world was upside down.

  g

  38

  It was his wife who opened the door. She didn’t look surprised to see me. She held the door wide.

  ‘He’s in there.’ She nodded to the front room. ‘But he’s busy. You better wait here.’

  Then she walked back into the kitchen and closed the door. I was alone in the hall. There was a chair against the wall, but I couldn’t sit down. I paced back and forth like one of the tigers you see at the zoo. Locked in a cage, looking for a way out. That man had to have been lying. Armour was finished with violence. He wanted to go legitimate. It had been one of his men, I had decided. One of his men had beaten the man up thinking he was doing Armour some kind of favour.